Child refusing to go to school? What to do this week
If your child is in tears at the front door, take a deep breath. You are not a bad parent, and this is not your fault. Here's what to do, in order.
Today: keep everyone safe and calm
Don't force a distressed child through the door. Physically pushing a child in panic usually makes the next morning harder. Tell them you believe them and that you'll sort it out with school together.
If your child talks about hurting themselves or not wanting to be alive, call NHS 111 (option 2 for mental health), or 999 if they are in immediate danger.
Tell the school in writing
Ring or email before registration each day your child is off, and send a written notice explaining that they are unwell because of anxiety. Ask for the absence to be recorded as Code I (illness). Our free absence letter does this in two minutes.
Keep copies of everything. A short daily diary of symptoms helps later.
This week: GP and a school meeting
Book a GP appointment. Ask about a referral to CAMHS or your local children's mental health support. You don't need a diagnosis for the school to help.
Ask for a meeting with the SENCo and the pastoral lead. Go in with ideas: a later start, a quiet entrance, a named adult, a calm space, and a reduced timetable with a review date.
If it goes on
Once your child has missed, or will miss, 15 school days because of illness, the council should arrange education for them under Section 19 of the Education Act 1996. Our free Section 19 letter asks them to do it.
Consider asking for an EHC needs assessment if your child may have special educational needs that the school can't meet from its usual resources.
Questions parents ask
What happens if my child refuses to go to school?
If the absence is because of illness, including anxiety, it should be authorised. The school should work with you on support. Fines and prosecution are meant for unauthorised absence where families won't engage.
Should I force my child to go to school?
Forcing a child who is in panic tends to deepen the anxiety. Gentle, planned steps agreed with school usually work better than pressure.
More guides
General information for families in England, not legal or medical advice. Checked against DfE guidance current in 2026.